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6th-Jun-2007 10:25 pm
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But while a godly character is something that a young man should look for in a woman, I recognize that it will not, nor should not, be his only consideration. It is also important that two people also love each other and that they will be compatible living and working together throughout the rest of their lives. It is also important that they are just really good friends, not in the sense of mechanically choosing that this person is going to be your best friend because they have passed a character test, but because there is a legitimate and natural friendship already apparent.
In much of the literature of the courtship movement, it is assumed that the only necessary ingredient for a good marriage is character. In 2001 the New York Times did a front page article on the courtship movement. One advocate of this approach, a man by the name of Mr. Wheeler, was interviewed. Mr. Wheeler tells about his own experience when a young man named Joshua took him out to breakfast to ask permission to marry his daughter Noelle. "I knew if I could trust his character,” said Mr. Wheeler, “then it would make a good marriage, because marriage is built not on love, but on someone who has the character to withstand the storms that marriage brings, the arguments and the disagreements.” As long as someone has a good character, all other considerations about the people and their potential compatibility (or lack of compatibility), become irrelevant. Hence Mr. Wheeler knew that Joshua would make a good husband purely on the grounds of his character. Phillips states the matter a bit more starkly,
….it almost doesn't matter whom you marry. You can marry anyone. If you bring the mortar of commitment to the joining of the two human bricks, then you've got a workable and permanent marriage.”
Lindvall has recently suggested that emotional intimacy is completely irrelevant. “God,” he writes, “has given us not only the physical capability but also the emotional capacity and personal flexibility to be joyfully compatible with whomever He calls us to marry.”
Against the backdrop of such ideas, it should not be surprising that throughout the last six to eight years, as many people have got married under the influence of such teaching, the disaster stories have literally just been pouring in. One is increasingly hearing of marriages that were supposed to be perfect because they followed the right procedures and both people had strong characters, yet these marriages are actually miserable. Many of these marriages have, unfortunately, been ending in divorce, with the young people blaming the parents for “doing this trip on us.” In other cases, I have received reports of teenage daughters running away from home and getting pregnant simply to avoid having to go through a system of being paired up with someone they do not even like.
Then in http://www.livejournal.com/users/rsqubf/88751.html, we saw an example of a UBF recruit becoming frustrated with the suppression of romantic love in UBF and the frank admission by a UBF "staff member" of what we know to be UBF policy, that love is not allowed to be basis of marriage in UBF.