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Silent Sufferers 
11th-Jan-2006 03:00 pm
Hi everyone, I have not ever posted on one of these sites before, but I have read everything I could find about UBF on the internet. I've read postings from several current UBF supporters say that there is only a very small group of people who oppose UBF, and they are just very vocal. This is not true. Viewers, please understand that there are MANY people hurting, who oppose UBF, but who cannot make a big commotion for the sake of our loved ones who are still trapped in the system. That doesn't mean that we don't keep up on the organization or want its ministry stopped. One of the saddest things about UBF is, if someone is in the church and their family objects, they are encouraged to reject their family and remain loyal to UBF. So many people choose to suffer alone in UBF itself or to hold out for loved ones still in the church. Maybe someday I will have the freedom to post my own testimony on these websites.
12th-Jan-2006 02:47 am (UTC)
Welcome on board freeinchrist. You have chosen a good nickname. Hope we can hear more from you and your experience in the future.

UBF is right when they say only a small group of people is criticizing or opposing UBF openly (on the Internet, for example). But you are also right when you say that these people represent only the tip of a giant iceberg. Over time, UBF has left a large trace of hurt or destroyed souls. Generations of people have opposed UBF since at least 1976. Some of them have already passed away. Still I wonder why people don't write more because I believed UBF people are people with conviction. But probably this is only another illusion about UBF. Cult people can do a lot, can be very active and give much time and heart, but only as long as somebody gives them reward (recognition and love bombing in the group) or threatens them (guilt tripping). As Samuel Lee once correctly wrote in one of his letters, otherwise they are like "sitting ducks" who only move if somebody permanently kicks them (this job is actually the self-understanding of UBF leaders). I know so many ex members who are just as disappointed and angry about the UBF system and share my views completely, but they would never write anything in the Internet (including my wife, but I know dozens of such ex members). There are other reasons for this, here are some of them:

- they are ashamed about having been in a cult and don't want anybody to know after leaving UBF
- they have relatives (spouse, children, parente) in UBF; criticism of UBF would often amount to destroy families (there are even cases of divorce etc.)
- they don't want to even hear the word "UBF" any more, they want to forget
- they have gone over the trauma of UBF and simply want to move on
- they still superstitiously fear something bad will happen if they criticize UBF
- they believe that already enough people are criticising UBF and everything has been said and done already
- they believe others can do this job better
- they believe that is unchristian or unspiritual to ever criticize
- they don't want to have any hassle; doing nothing and trying to forget is always the easiest solution
- many UBF members are harmony addicted
- the majority of members are Koreans who believe criticism is "unconfucianistic"
- many do not know that UBF has large scale problems, they believe their own experience is singular (particularly before the times of the WWW)
- they have their own sin problems or mental problems and feel guilty and not allowed to say anything; they cannot separate their own problems from systemic UBF problems
- they have done the same wrongs as shepherds or leaders in UBF and are too proud to repent
- after leaving UBF and getting old, life has to go on; you suddenly recognize you have become old without have cared for your career and other things, now you have a hard time to make your living and are occupied by this
- they have no possibility to speak out and be heared by others (e.g. no Internet access or don't know how to use it) or don't like writing
- don't forget the majority of UBF members does not even speak English or has difficulties to write in English
- they are unstable in their convictions or don't know how to express themselves
- they left with a bug hurt, but did not really understand the problems
- they believe too much time has passed already
- they only want to remember the "good things" in the past and forget about the bad things
- they believe UBF cannot be criticized because they believe it had some good points as well
- they believe the "dirty work" of criticizing UBF should be done, but they don't want to be one who does it (just as nobody wants to be a garbageman; but somebody must do it)

I think it is time that another generation of UBF members stands up and publishes their testimonies. This would effectively refute the constant claim of UBF defenders "we have changed"(*) and "the critics are only a disgruntled few who exist in every organization".
13th-Jan-2006 01:21 am (UTC) - How true it is?
I appreciated your response to FreeinChrist.

This part stood out for me:

- many do not know that UBF has large scale problems, they believe their own experience is singular (particularly before the times of the WWW)

I left UBF 14 years ago and the only person who really understood what I was talking about was my sister. I recruited her into the group in 1983 and she left a couple of years after I did (I left for good in 1992).

In August 04, she told me about the RSQUBF and EscapeUBF websites and I began exploring them. The first thing I realized was the unfortunate reality that my experiences weren't unique. That was a blessing!
13th-Jan-2006 01:43 am (UTC) - Re: How true it is?
Before the Internet was widespread, there was hardly any possibility to get in touch with other dropouts or compare their experience, and nobody would understand you. Once you were out, you were also out of touch. Nobody could reach you any more, and you could not find other dropouts. Sometimes people left in groups which made it somewhat easier, but usually people left one by one. Networking was virtually impossible. This changed drastically and was one of the factors that helped me to get out. The Internet also gave the reform movement of 2000 a big impetus, just like the invention of the printing press was one of the decisive factors that made Luther's reformation spread so mightily.

What makes the networking of ex UBF members still very difficult is that we all are in different phases of our exit process. Some are long over it and tired of speaking about it, some are only in the beginning and still fearful to speak, some are just opening their eyes and want to talk a lot. It's always the best if you don't leave alone, but together with another family or spouse. Leaving on your own is very hard. Unfortunately, many had to go through this process. I believe this must be accompanied by a feeling of being the loneliest person in the world - you had just left UBF - your "true parents" and "true family", the group that had been everything in your life - but you had also cut all bonds to your family, friends and the world "out there" when you had been in UBF. That's why so many are reluctant to leave UBF. So if we want to get people out we need to show them that outside they still have friends and people who understand them.
12th-Jan-2006 04:52 am (UTC)
Hi. What a wonderful way to identify yourself as "FreeinChrist"!

Thanks for sharing. I am sorry to hear about your loved ones. May God bless you and answer your prayers for your loved ones. I know that there are many who have suffered and continue to suffer because of UBF, not only personally, but within their families. In my situation, I am thankful that after many years, my husband finally left and we are in a healthy church, where we are healing and growing. At the same time, my heart breaks for those who are either suffering from the consequences of being in UBF and/or still suffering in the system because of a spouse and/or children or other family members still in UBF. It is terrible what UBF does to one emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually, and also what they do to their families, particularly if one tries to leave. While me and my family are out and recovering, those in UBF and the future of UBF remains a burden on my heart and in my prayers daily.

16th-Jan-2006 05:33 pm (UTC) - You are not alone.
I'm happy to see that you are considering leaving UBF. I was in the Columbus Ohio chapter for ten years - from June 1982 to May 1992. During the last three years I was there I wanted to leave but couldn't find the courage, even after watching a couple of people leave successfully.

When I finally left, I had no one - except my sister - who could understand what I had gone through. (I recruited her into the group in 1983 and she left a couple of years after I did.) People would ask questions like "If they were so bad, why did you stay so long?" and "How could you let yourself be manipulated so easily?" They couldn't fathom that UBF's problems didn't manifest themselves all at once or that for a while, it's possible to ignore the negative aspects because any benefits received from belonging to such a group can outweigh them.

My sister told me about the anti-UBF websites last summer and I've been reading and contributing to them ever since. I have also started writing my own testimony and hope to have it ready to post within a month or so. I hope you have the opportunity to write your own testimony. I look forward to reading it.

I love your screen name.
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