My last leader, Mr. Tetsuo Yoshizumi, in Chicago once came to me after my not having followed one of his directions completely. He stuck a few hundred dollars into my shirt pocket, pushed me and yelled "I don't want you in my center any more! You are satan! Go back to Germany - with satan! NOW! Pack your stuff and GET OUT!"
I was shocked! If I obeyed his command I would commit "spiritual suicide" (since we were taught that upon leaving the church, satan would invade us completely, destroy our family, cause us to become insane or die through some horrible accident. At meetings we would continuousely hear testimonies of leaders about members who would not "unite" with their leaders (called CF's or Central Figures). One story the regional director of Chicago, Rev. Hong, one of Mr. Moon's first disciples, told was that upon disuniting with his directions, a member's child had just been born without ears. Another disobedient member had developed cancer - satan's punishment.). What would you have done in my situation if you had been indoctrinated with all these very real fears? Well, some part of me was rebellious, saying "OK! If all my work is not enough, and you really want me to leave - I'll go!". Yet the other part which was dominated by fear, guilt and low self-esteem which my leader had beaten into me (verbally as well as physically), was stronger, so I lowered my head and said "I repent! I'm sorry! I'll never do it again!"